Operation Babymaker

Well, we don’t *quite* have a plan but we are getting closer!  We had our follow-up appointment with our doctor today and got the results from all of our tests.  The first result is that – I get to go and do MORE TESTS!  Hurray!  Well, not really especially since it is bloodwork at 6:40am tomorrow, but it will all be worth it in the end, right?

But onto the more positive stuff.  From the ultrasound, the doctor said that she could see 9 follicles on one side and 15 on the other!  This is great news!  She said that they like to see at least 10, combined, so I think that 24 is pretty good 😉  Other than that, it looks like the biggest factor for us in our infertility is my husband’s anti-sperm antibodies.  We got some clarification and the doctor said that 98% of his sperm have them somewhere (head/tail), which is quite high.  I know he’s sad about that and is feeling like he’s broken but I’m working to make him realize that we’re in this together and that even if everything ‘works’ it doesn’t guarantee getting pregnant.  This is our journey and it’s nobodies fault.

So where does this leave us?  We still have to talk about things but I continue to feel like IVF is the way to go for us.  Our doctor said that we could go for Clomid and IUI but even then the success rates are low.  On top of that, if we did decide to ultimately go for IVF, we would then have to take a couple of months off from the Clomid to really start from scratch, so that would be additional waiting time.  I know we’re not out of time but, as our doctor said, IVF is the best chance of getting pregnant quickly and is our best option if we want a larger family.  If we were to go with IUI and were successful, our chances of getting pregnant and having a healthy baby for number 2 would be lower simply due to being older when attempting our second, while if we do IVF and are able to freeze some embryos, they would be my age when they are retrieved.

Ultimately, we still have to talk things out and say 100% what our plan is but I’m seeing IVF in my future (unless we magically get pregnant in the next couple of months).  We are very lucky that we have been able to save the money for it, so I feel like we should just go for it and give ourselves the best chances for success.  If we go for IVF, we can also go for ICSI (where they put the sperm right into the egg) which gets around the antibody issues.

The next step is talking it out with the hubby, which we have on the docket tonight.  We’ll see how that goes 😉  Then, we have the IVF information session on September 3 and our FINAL decision will be made on September 4.  If we do get a move on things, we could theoretically be starting treatment in October/November and maybe even pregnant before the end of the year.  I know that lots can happen and lots can go wrong but it’s at least fun to dream about it a little bit.  I’m feeling excited and encouraged and working to keep thinking not about *if* we will have a family but *when*.  Heck, a little positivity is always a good thing.

Feeling, good?

The last few weeks, I have to say that I’m actually feeling … good!  This comes as a bit of a surprise to me as I’m not wondering, “Why not me?” when I see a pregnant person or worrying about friends telling me they are pregnant, again (which we’re pretty sure is just a matter of time for one friend).  I seem to be really focused on me and us and life and enjoying it.  I don’t feel as focused on TRYING or our lack of being pregnant.  Life is just feeling pretty … good!  Maybe it’s because it is summer (although 14 degrees and raining doesn’t really feel like summer) or maybe because we’re actually on the move with our fertility clinic journey.  Whatever the cause, I like the effect!  For the first time in a year, I don’t feel like I’m quite so distracted by TTC.  And it’s nice to feel this way…

One thing that is helping is that I got together with an acquaintance I haven’t seen in years but who went through IVF for her first pregnancy and then conceived naturally with her second.  It was SO WONDERFUL to actually talk to another human who has gone through similar things.  While not all of my friends have gotten pregnant on the first try (although some have), none have had to make the trip to the fertility clinic.  They are all great, wonderful friends and are doing their best to understand but they just can’t.  Chatting with this friend was so great to get that firsthand experience of what IVF is like, how it all works, timelines – all that good stuff.  And, of course, seeing her two kids and knowing what will (hopefully) be the end result helped immensely.

The interesting thing is that it continues to make me feel like IVF is the way to go for me.  I haven’t been diagnosed with any major issues but I want to GET ON WITH IT.  I worry that IUI will just be delaying the inevitable.  I am almost 35 and if we want to have more than one kid, it makes me feel like IUI is heading me down the road to being a mom in my LATE 30s and I’m just not sure if that’s a position I want to be in.  My husband and I have even saved up a chunk of money in case we need to do IVF and that makes me feel like TIME is a more precious commodity for us than MONEY.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that IVF is very expensive but I’m feeling like losing these precious days and months is a bigger potential catastrophe thank plunking down that (large) chunk of change.  Ultimately, we have to wait another couple of weeks before we get all of our results and I guess we shall see where that takes us.  But my gut just keeps telling me to get a move on and take the more aggressive course…

In the meantime, may as well keep this good feeling going as long as I can.  If there’s anything that I’ve seen on this journey it is that there are so many unexpected twists and turns, so I just have to enjoy the good parts when I’m in them.  Which means now.  And this weekend.  And hanging with my hubby.  And watching some movies while it pours outside.  And doing some canning!  And eating yummy food.  Sounds good to me 😉